Essential Insights on Family Therapy: A Guide to Rebuilding Family Harmony
Essential Insights on Family Therapy: A Guide to Rebuilding Family Harmony
At some point or another, every family unit experiences issues, and in most cases, every person in that family unit is negatively affected. However, left unaddressed or put away in a box only leads to making these patterns worse and creates a cold and divided family dynamic. In these cases, family therapy can support loved ones to strengthen those family bonds and even emerge stronger having had the opportunity to heal those damaged bonds and past hurt and heartache. As a family therapist, I have seen firsthand the potential family therapy has to deepen understanding, respect, and care for each member in a totally new way.
One of the main reasons people seek family therapy is for arguments and ongoing conflict, where they are reaching a point in their relationships where communication has ultimately broken down. In these cases, families often experience having the same tedious arguments again and again and resolution is unachievable regardless of valid points on all sides. Situations like this leaves families feeling like they are on a merry-go-round – continuously going round and round with no sign of stopping.
Family Issues Present in Many Different Ways
Very often, issues described above have been left to fester causing emotional distance to grow between couples and thoughts of separation creeping in as a solution. In some cases, infidelity is sought as a way of filling that emotional void and more often not, when this happens, the couple find it difficult to see a way back from that betrayal.
Financial stress and burden can also be another source of family conflict, leading to a lack of effective communication where one person may try to shoulder the burden on their own as opposed to moving forward together. Therapy sessions may center around mutual plans, individual boundary setting and financial goals. Furthermore, during financial troubles, gambling addictions may appear, completely destabilising the family unit, causing fear and even more insecurity for the future.
What Effect Do Marital Issues Have On Children?
When a couple is dealing with conflict, their issues often filter down to their children without them even realising. However, children are very perceptive and can recognise when the harmony that once made their home their safe zone, is now missing and replaced with hostility.
During family therapy, we can get to the bottom of your problems and talk about the negative patterns forming in your family. Together, we can form new communication skills and develop new respect and admiration for all members of your family, offering shelter whilst weathering the storm. Whether you’re feeling the threat of thunder rumbling, or whether you’re right there in the eye of the tornado, family therapy can support you to see a way past the storm.
How Do I Know if Family Therapy is Necessary?
Family therapy is a safe, solution-focused, non-judgmental space that allows you and all members of your family to speak freely. Sometimes, it can be difficult to sense when you’re at a point when family therapy is necessary. However, if this is something you’re wondering, then you may benefit from family therapy sessions.
Regardless of whether your facing minor or major issues, family therapy gives you the tools you need to improve family dynamics. Denial tends to overpower the senses and sometimes this leads us to miss the signs that professional support may be needed. If you feel a pit of dread on your journey home, that’s a sign that your family is struggling yet denial pushes it to the back of your mind, and you carry on.
When is Family Therapy Beneficial?
If you begin to notice your children acting out and behaving in uncharacteristic ways following difficulties in you and your partner’s relationship, then family therapy would be a massive benefit as your “private” problems are now affecting your children. When there is a lack of balance in the home, a variety of new behaviours can develop and manifest into further problems down the line.
Family therapy can also become necessary following a separation or divorce; however, you want to co-parent and find some amicable common ground and understanding and acceptance of new dynamics. Effective communication when co-parenting enables you to establish clear boundaries with one another, as well as allowing you to focus on the well-being of your children. Family therapy can also prepare you for the introduction of a new partner, allowing your blended family to support one another in a responsible, and communicative manner where all members are respectful and heard.
If you are dealing with illness in the home whether it be physical illness or mental illness, you would benefit from family therapy especially if you are experiencing feelings of isolation, confusion and being misunderstood. Illness extends through the whole family and can leave you feeling frustrated and stuck in a hopeless situation. You could also be struggling to come to terms with a diagnosis within the family or the deterioration of health in a family member and need support to deal with this.
Family therapy can benefit any family, at any point, as there is always space to learn more about one another, practice new communication techniques, deepen connections and ultimately grow together.
For example, family therapy can help you…
- Understand your partner in a new way, deepening your compassion and empathy
- Get to the underlying problem of a child’s rebellious behaviour and work toward correcting it
- Gain a new set of communication tools, which you can use to improve all your relationships
- Take a look at yourself from a different perspective, so you can continue your growth as an adult
- Bring harmony back into the home, which results in eased tensions and more enjoyment
- Create and set boundaries with your partner and remain accountable for following through with them
- Practice conflict management strategies to keep your relationships from stagnating
The Best Life Therapy Approach to Family Therapy
I always start with an assessment of the situation at hand, beginning first with the couple or adults. I will ask a set of pointed questions that will help gain an understanding of both perspectives and also help identify strengths and areas for improvement. Following this assessment, more members of the family are invited to therapy to talk about their worries.
Building on a Person-Centred approach, one of my most commonly used modalities for family therapy, is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) takes a humanistic approach which relies on research-based concepts about individuals and their relationships. The concepts of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) are used in couples therapy, family therapy and even individual therapy, with the driving force of this approach existing in the philosophy that “relationships are at the core of the human experience”. Therefore, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is used to reestablish bonds and foster resilience in family relationships. We will work together to improve emotional fulfilment and ensure secure attachment in your familial relationships. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a very structured approach, designed to be short-term (between 8 and 20 sessions).
How Do I Prepare For Family Therapy?
It can feel overwhelming trying to figure out your first family therapy session – you don’t want to miss any important points, and it is important that all perspectives are being heard, and you are able to explain exactly what is going on. However, when tensions are high amongst the family, you are most likely overthinking everything and even forget important information when sitting across from your therapist. Thus, preparation is key ahead of your first family therapy session and the following tips may help you with this:
- Speak to all family members. Have each person write down their primary concerns and any questions they may have.
- Write down what you’d like to communicate to your loved ones ahead of time. Keep your words intentional and respectful.
- Organise your schedules to ensure a therapy session is never missed.
- When it’s your turn to speak, refer to your notes and avoid arguing in session.
Despite finding your therapy sessions exhausting some days, family therapy will instil new hope in your and your family members. As long as each person commits to listen and be respectful, your family has the opportunity to rebuild connections and clear away any long-held resentments.
What Can You Expect When You Begin Family Therapy At Best Life Therapy?
Each session will last between 50 minutes and an hour. During this time, you may be in the room with other family members, with your partner, or alone. I will offer recommendations on these dynamics based on your unique situation. During your sessions, you will have the opportunity to talk about how you’ve tried to resolve conflicts in the past, share what has and what hasn’t worked, with each person having the time necessary to clearly express their emotions and perspectives.
Furthermore, I will inquire about family rules and behavioural patterns as these are key pieces of information when determining how conflict arises within your family system. You will be provided with communication and conflict management tools and as a result, you will be able to work through any problems in a positive manner.
Final Thoughts…
If you’ve decided you’re ready to move forward with family therapy, you’re in a good place…a place where you want to improve communication, deepen your bonds, and resolve long-standing issues. These are all empowering first steps that will result in a new, fresh perspective for all involved. Whilst family therapy is not a magic wand or an overnight fix, it does offer a set of tools you can use to improve your relationships.
Ultimately, family therapy helps you regain focus and realise you’re not meant to be at war with one another and can become allies who show their respect and support for one another. By fixing broken communication systems, family therapy helps you create a collaborative, forward-moving home environment. When this type of harmony is achieved, all members of the family feel safe to share their thoughts and feelings and set aside conflict.
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